Kol: Eliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiijjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Kol: Your name is so stupidly long.

Open

Kol: The hiiiiillllssss are aliveeeeee with the sound of muuuusssiiiiicccccc
Kol: And the houuuuseeee is fiiiillleeddddd with Nik's bad artworrrrkkkkkkkkk,

Day Drunk

Kol: I just wanted to meet the Easter bunny this year.
Kol: But Stefan's an asshole and ate him.
Kol: NIK SAID HE WAS REAL.
Kol: So fuck you Stefan.
Kol: AND SCREW THE FUCKING CHOCOLATE BUNNY TOO.

Open

Kol: I'm siiiinnngggggiiinnngggg in the bloooddddd, just siiiinnngggggiiinngggg in the bloodddd! What a glorrriiiouussss feeeelinnngggg, I'm kiiiillllinnngggg again!

Drunker Than Fuck

Kol: I think I just gave a hotdog a blowjob.
Kol: I'm not too sure how I feel about this.
Bex: You did what?
Bex: Where are you?
Bex: How much did you drink?
Kol: I'm at a place.
Kol: Just a few bottles of...something.

Drunker Than Fuck

Kol: I think I just gave a hotdog a blowjob.
Kol: I'm not too sure how I feel about this.

Open

Kol: OR HE COULD BE PLOTTING MY MURDER.
Kol: No, I'm not. I'm unhinging my jaw and letting vodka go down my throat. There's a difference.
Hen: OR HE COULD BE PLAIN A SURPRISE PARY FOR YOU
Hen: ....right. okay.sure.
Kol: OR HE COULD BE WANTING TO MURDER ME. THAT BITCH HAS ALWAYS BEEN JEALOUS OF ME.
Kol: Oh, sorry. Thought we were talking about Nik for a minute there.

Open

Hen: You know he could just be reading that since he likes to read, right?
Hen: just asking Kol
Hen: but...Are you drinking something?
Kol: OR HE COULD BE PLOTTING MY MURDER.
Kol: No, I'm not. I'm unhinging my jaw and letting vodka go down my throat. There's a difference.

Open

Hen: the kiss? XD you know this sound a bit like sleeping beauty to me
Hen: Well did you think he was going to give you "the kiss"?
Hen: He is going to kill you if he find out about the fact that you called him dementor....
Hen: just wondering what is Elijah's phone number?
Kol: He's reading How to Kill a Mockingbird.
Kol: I'M MOCKING. AND I GIVE HIM THE BIRD ALL THE TIME.
Kol: HE'S GOING TO MURDER ME.

Open

Kol: I think there's a dementor in the house. All of the joy just got sucked out of the room.
Kol: Oh, wait. It's just Elijah.
Alyx: Kol. what the hell.
Alyx: WAIT, are you drinking without me?
Kol: ...Maybe

Open

Hen: ??
Hen: ...
Hen: is it bad that I laughed at that?
Kol: WHY LAUGH AT THE TRUTH?
Kol: WE HAVE A FUCKING DEMENTOR FOR A BROTHER.
Kol: Oh. Now he's looking at me. He's coming toward me..HE'S GONNA GIVE ME THE KISS SAVE ME.
Kol: Never mind. He just took the book next to me.

Open

Kol: I think there's a dementor in the house. All of the joy just got sucked out of the room.
Kol: Oh, wait. It's just Elijah.

Drunk Texting

Kol: Do you ever wonder what the punchline to Nik's joke is? He's been trying to tell it for ages. 'A hybrid walks into a bar...' Then what?
Kol: There's nothing funny about drunk hybrids. Trust me, I know.
Kol: THE LAST ONE TRIED TO EAT MY DICK.

Drunker Than Fuck

Kol: I still don't know what would happen if I shoved a stake up Nik's ass.
Kol: Stefan put some scary hooker under my bed.
Kol: Nik's drawing ponies again! Caroline better watch outtttt!!